Alright fam, brace yourselves, because the U.S. government just decided to play Monopoly with our futures, and guess who’s holding Boardwalk? That’s right: crypto. Stimulus talk is back, funded by tariffs, which basically means we’re printing checks backed by Pokémon cards and pure delusion. And in classic D.C. fashion, those checks might hit your mailbox right as the government shuts down, like your ex’s Spotify when you steal their password.
Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s out here doing burpees and Ether’s flexing like it just got a gym sponsorship. Analysts call it a “liquidity catalyst,” but let’s be real, it’s Degen Season, Part 47. Inflation’s up, the dollar’s down, and everyone’s ready to ape. If those stimulus checks drop, forget groceries, we’re buying memecoins and maybe a yacht on OpenSea. Strap in, fam, this is your tariff-funded ticket to temporary financial freedom.
💰 Recap:
• U.S. stimulus plan may be funded by tariffs
• Crypto markets spike on “liquidity catalyst” hype
• Inflation fears meet Degen euphoria
• Jake Gagain verdict: “If the money’s fake, might as well flip it on-chain.”
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