Listen up, the truth’s about to drop, and I don’t sugarcoat — when a coup-born colonel swaps his beret for a ballot box, you better believe democracy isn’t on the menu; it’s the main course. Welcome to Gabon 2024, where ballots are cast with bayonets still gleaming — and General Brice Oligui Nguema is holding the pen and the sword.
Now, let’s rewind for the latecomers who’ve been sleeping through the political fireworks. Last year, like a plot twist too juicy for even the most corrupt Netflix algorithm, Gabon’s long-reigning civil dynasty — the Bongos — were tossed to the curb faster than last season’s dictator memes. In marches Nguema, all regimented glory and no-nonsense, wrapping his power grab in the gauze of “liberation.” Liberation from what exactly? Ah, that’s the trillion-franc question.
Fast forward to now, and General Nguema is strutting down the democracy runway, flashing what he calls “free and fair elections,” while the faint scent of martial cologne still clings to the curtains of power. This isn’t a pivot to people-powered governance; this is political theater with military choreography. And let’s not kid ourselves — the only suspense in this election is whether he gets 80% or 98% of the vote.
Cementing control through the ballot box is the world’s favorite political cosplay these days — just ask Vladimir “Forever” Putin or Recep “Re-elect Me Again” Erdoğan. Nguema’s not inventing the playbook, folks — he’s just coloring it with Gabonese flair. After all, nothing says “people’s choice” like a ballot that’s been marinated in military influence and served with a side of state-controlled media.
And what about opposition? Oh, they’re there — bless their ballot-stained fingers — but good luck finding daylight when you’re boxed in by army boots and bureaucratic barbed wire. The candidates brave enough to run are scattered and suppressed, their funding throttled, their exposure strangled. It’s political whac-a-mole—stick your head up, and WHOOSH, there goes your campaign… and your electricity.
Officially, Nguema promises reform. He talks of transparency, national unity, and ending hereditary rule. But let’s translate that — he wants to be the new dynasty. The old king is dead, long live the uniformed king.
Now I ask — who truly governs when generals smile and ballots cry? Is Gabon heading toward salvation… or just relabeling its shackles?
Here’s the kicker: the international community, always the global babysitter with a broken pacifier, is watching closely. But what are they really watching for? Stability. Not democracy. Not justice. Just a quiet oil-rich nation that keeps the crude flowing and the headlines soft. Because outrage is bad for energy prices, and well, democracy doesn’t pump 200,000 barrels a day.
Let me be crystal clear — Nguema isn’t campaigning. He’s consolidating. And this isn’t an election. It’s a coronation with ballots as the glitter.
So raise your glasses, dear readers, not in a toast to freedom, but in acknowledgment of the most refined coup tactic in modern politics: appearing to give power back, just so you can hold it tighter than ever. Gabon just rebranded the coup — and turned it into a vote.
The game’s on. And if you can’t see who’s already won, you’re not watching closely enough.
– Mr. 47
