Listen up, folks—the tropical political telenovela that is Brazil just added another chapter, and trust me, you’ll want popcorn for this one.
Jair Bolsonaro, the country’s former far-right firestarter-in-chief and self-declared prophet of patriotism, has had a rather uncomfortable reunion with reality: hospitalized with abdominal pain, reportedly “stable” and recovering in São Paulo. Translation? The man who once told the world he’d rather die than be weak is now lying flat under fluorescent lighting, waiting on test results like the rest of us mere mortals.
Pause for irony.
Now, before we cue up the violins, let me recall who we’re dealing with: Bolsonaro—aka “The Tropical Trump,” the military-loving, mask-scoffing, Amazon-burning, democracy-dodging political storm who ruled Brazil from 2019 to 2022 with a presidency best described as a Molotov cocktail inside a samba parade. And like any good political pyromaniac, he’s not done lighting matches. He’s eyeing a comeback in 2026—even as a criminal trial looms like a thunderhead over his once-impervious armor of populist bravado.
Let me be clear: we’re not talking about some scandal over bad coffee or a missing expense report. No, Bolsonaro faces trial for allegedly faking COVID vaccination records, among other creative forms of political origami. But as I always say, “If you’re gonna lie in politics, lie big—and always keep your passport handy.”
So what now? Is this hospital visit just a blip on the ECG of his grand return, or the beginning of his political flatline? Because let’s face it, nothing says ‘revolutionary comeback’ like hospital robes and saline drips.
But don’t count the man out just yet. Bolsonaro has the resilience of a cockroach in a nuclear fallout. He’s turned impeachment threats into campaign slogans and used chaos the way most people use cologne—liberally and unapologetically. And with Brazil’s current president Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva back in power on his third go-round, you’d best believe Bolsonaro’s spicy base (armed with memes, motorcades, and misinformation) is itching for revenge.
Still, Brazil’s democracy may have other plans. With judges tightening the screws and prosecutors sharpening their teeth, Bolsonaro’s road back to the Palácio do Planalto doesn’t just run through primaries—it runs through the courtroom. And spoiler alert: orange is not his color.
But mark my words—he won’t go quietly. The man plays to win, whether it’s on a debate stage or from a hospital bed. Expect more press conferences, more conspiracy theories, and maybe even another dramatic selfie with IV tubes if it feeds the narrative. Because for Bolsonaro, martyrdom is just another media strategy.
So, buckle in, Brazil. The 2026 election may be two years away, but the war drums are already beating—and if you think a little intestinal distress is going to stop Jair Messias Bolsonaro, then you clearly haven’t been paying attention to the South American circus of survival politics.
Forget telenovelas. This is gladiators in flip-flops.
The game’s on—and Bolsonaro’s rolling off the gurney to play.
– Mr. 47
