WEEKLY RECAP:
Trump builds a bootleg dystopia.
ETH eyes $8K like it’s 1980 again.
The U.S. military ditches Excel (finally).
SpongeBob’s got airstrikes—on bears.
Billy Joel spins through vertigo like a champ.
SlumDOGE howls as WIF pumps 30%.
FKA Twigs & Shia exit stage “settled.”
And golf’s gone gladiator.
This isn’t news—it’s the timeline overheating.
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