**Biya Wins Again: Welcome to the 8th Circle of Cameroonian Democracy**
Listen up, the truth’s about to drop, and trust me — it doesn’t come wrapped in a neat little bow. While the world binge-watches democratic theater and debates whether to swipe left or right on autocracy, Cameroon just hit the political replay button for the eighth time — and yes, President Paul Biya is still in the driver’s seat. Or maybe, let’s be honest, asleep at the wheel. At 92 years old, Biya isn’t just defying age — he’s mainlining power like it’s the fountain of youth.
Now, before you break out the confetti and cue the national anthem, let’s pull back the velvet curtain and look at the real show. Biya’s victory — with a neat little 53.66% of the vote — wasn’t exactly a ticker-tape parade of democratic joy. It was more like a bruised knuckle from a bar brawl masquerading as an election. Four dead. Clashes in the streets. Blood spilled not over policy, but over a presidency that’s been fossilized in place since disco was king.
Let’s make one thing clear: this wasn’t an election. It was a coronation held at gunpoint, with ballots that screamed “choice” but murmured “inevitability.”
And folks, that’s the real show taking center stage — the marathon man of African politics, outlasting everyone not by running faster, but by ensuring no one else gets to lace up their shoes. In Biya’s Cameroon, political evolution is a myth and revolution is a suicide note. The opposition? Please. It’s harder to find than a vegan steak at a barbecue in Yaoundé. Candidates speak with trembling lips, media dances the censorship cha-cha, and the people — they either stay quiet or end up part of the body count reported as “election-related incidents.” Four this time. Just four. Small price, right? Just more broken families left asking, “Was this vote worth a brother’s blood?”
Let me spell it out for you — power in Cameroon isn’t transferred. It’s embalmed.
And yet, there he stands — Biya — aging more like granite than wine. You’d think after nearly 42 years in office, a man would start preparing transition plans. Nah. He’s preparing his next victory speech — possibly in Morse code, if the vocal cords give out.
But don’t get it twisted. This isn’t just a Cameroonian problem. This is a spotlight on a continent — and a globe — plagued by strongmen with weak ideas and iron fists. This is what you get when the international community watches from the VIP lounge — sipping sparkling water and offering “deep concern” while another generation dies under wrinkled hands that refuse to let go.
And here’s the hypocrisy buffet in full service: Western leaders will condemn the chaos with one hand, and sign cozy oil deals with the other. Because let’s be honest — democracy is great… until a dictator can keep the pipelines flowing.
So what’s next, Cameroon? Another term of radio silence from a leader that logs more hours in Switzerland than in his own capital? Another dance in the daylight where everyone pretends this is how elections are supposed to go? The game’s on, and Biya — the master of the long play — is still spinning the wheel. And guess what? Your future’s still stuck on red.
You want change? You’ll need more than a ballot. You’ll need backbone.
In the meantime, let the world watch, let voters cry, let analysts ponder — but know this: Biya’s still king of the mountain, even if the mountain is on fire. And he’s not stepping down. He’s being wheeled in.
And if you’re surprised… you haven’t been paying attention.
– Mr. 47
