Two 15-year-olds just outmaneuvered Edward “Big Balls” Coristine former DOGE bigwig, Neuralink intern, and human résumé inflation. This is the guy who once tried swapping all government desks for folding chairs “to improve workflow.” And yet, he just handed over his Tesla to unarmed teens who probably still need permission slips for field trips. No weapons, just pure Gen Z audacity “Give us your ride or we cancel your Roblox account.” He folded.
💥 What went down:
– Victim: ex-DOGE exec, Neuralink alum
– Crime: unarmed Tesla carjacking by two minors
– Ironic twist: brain chip guy beaten by street smarts
– Cultural note: nihilism + tech beats old-school clout
– DOGE still existing remains the bigger mystery
🔥 The takeaway? When teenagers are running the streets and the metaverse, maybe your security plan needs more than Bluetooth locks and bravado.
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