Listen up, darlings—Ms. Rizzlerina is here to serve up the sass, slice by slice, because today we’re talkin’ big cheese, bold crusts, and the juiciest debate since pineapple dared to crash the pizza party. That’s right, baby—buckle your rhinestone seatbelts, ‘cause we’re diving fork-first into the glitter-soaked world of 13 Different Pizza Styles That Everyone Thinks Are The Best. *Cue the doughy drama!*
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Ms. Rizzlerina, my hometown pizza IS the best!” Oh, sweetie, I get it. Nothing tastes more like a warm hug than the style you grew up with—whether you’re folding a greasy New York slice over your Gossip Girl rewatch or fighting the deep-dish forces of Chicago for top-tier status on Twitter. But babyyyy, did you think I—of all queens—was gonna let your crust comfort zone go unchallenged? Think again. It’s time to flirt with flavor, experiment with edges, and give some love to slices you’ve been ghosting since high school.
Let’s skip the appetizer and swirl straight into the main course:
🍕 New York Style: Thin, wide, and as dramatic as a Real Housewives reunion. One bite and you’re strutting through Manhattan like Carrie Bradshaw on a deadline.
🍕 Chicago Deep Dish: Thick, buttery crust with layers so extra, I’d swear it was auditioning for RuPaul’s Drag Race. She’s rich, she’s indulgent, and oh honey, she’s unapologetically filling.
🍕 Neapolitan: The OG diva from Napoli, this authentic queen goes for quality over quantity—with charred bubbles, dollops of fresh mozzarella, and that “just kissed by a wood fire” gloss we all fake with highlighter.
🍕 Detroit Style: A square-cut showstopper with crispy edges and a personality as bold as Cardi B in Paris Fashion Week. Baked in a blue steel pan? Iconic behavior.
🍕 St. Louis Style: Provel cheese lovers, this one’s for you. So controversial it should come with a warning label and its own Housewives franchise.
🍕 California Style: Light, fresh, and topped with whatever’s trending on TikTok (avocado, kale, edible glitter?). It’s basically your fave wellness influencer on a crust.
🍕 Sicilian: Thick, fluffy, and smoother than a Leo DiCaprio Oscar campaign. This slice is for those who believe more bread means more glam.
🍕 Greek Pizza: Think tangy, olive oil-crusted fabulosity. Served in a pan, just like the drama at Sunday brunch.
🍕 New Haven Style (Apizza, darling): Charred, chewy, and smoky like a party in a jazz club—if the jazz club had wood-fired ovens and zero patience for basic toppings.
🍕 Grandma Pie: A love letter from Nonna with no-nonsense vibes and a balanced flair that whispers, “You still single?”
🍕 Colorado-Style Mountain Pie: Because pizza on a thick honey-kissed crust after a ski sesh? That’s living your alpine fantasy, darlings.
🍕 Tomato Pie: A cold slice topped with robust tomato sauce and no cheese… and yet, somehow she still gets invited to all the hottest set lists.
🍕 Trenton Style: A saucy surprise with the sauce on top of the cheese. Risky, rebellious, and definitely dating someone in a band.
But let’s face it, my radiant readers: the “best style” of pizza is just like the “best boyband member” debate—subjective, heated, and ending in alliances that tear friend groups apart. Whether you’re team ‘crispy-and-classy’ or ‘deep-and-dramatic,’ one thing’s for sure: there’s a slice for every scandal, mood, and midnight craving.
So the next time someone says, “Nothing beats a proper New York slice,” toss your sequin boa over your shoulder and say, “Have you even *met* Detroit?” Life’s too short for crust monogamy—go out, flirt with flavors, and cheat on your local fave once in a while. I promise, your taste buds will thank you.
Now tell me, my fabulously opinionated pizza lovers—what’s your go-to style? Drop it like it’s hot (and cheesy) in the comments! And remember:
Stay fabulous, and let the gossip roll!
– Ms. Rizzlerina 💅🍕✨
