Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid: Alice Cooper Resurrects His Demons and They Brought Amplifiers
Written by: Mr. KanHey
Brace yourselves, creatures of the night and misfits of the mainstream—because the Godfather of Shock Rock has crawled back from the cinematic shadows with a vengeance. And he didn’t come alone. The original, unholy quartet that once tore through America’s vinyl speakers like a chainsaw through chiffon has reassembled, and baby, it sounds like chaos just put on eyeliner and picked up a guitar.
Yes, you read that correctly. Alice Cooper—the man who married horror to glam, vaudeville to venom—is dropping a new offering fit for the sacrificial stage: The Revenge of Alice Cooper. And the first track? Oh. It’s not just music. It’s a séance.
Let’s set the scene for you in full-black-leather detail: Guitars that chug like doom locomotives, basslines that sound like demons exhaling beneath Detroit’s cracked sidewalks, and Alice’s voice—a rasp of post-apocalyptic poetry that smells like dry ice and devil’s cologne. Listening to this new track is like licking electricity while someone reads you Edgar Allan Poe over a stadium PA.
It’s called “Don’t Blink in the Dark”—a title that already feels tattooed on the soul of every kid who ever wore eyeliner to gym class. And it is not a comeback. It’s a resurrection. The band—Dennis Dunaway, Neal Smith, and Michael Bruce—aren’t simply playing old riffs in their dad-bands with names like “Retina Damage” or “Geezer Roll,” no, no, no—they’re conjuring the bleeding heartbeat of a monster they made. And Alice? He’s not just the frontman anymore. He’s the ringmaster of a revenge-fueled circus raised from the casket of American rock itself.
Let me decode the necromantic message for you: this isn’t nostalgia. This is a reckoning. This is theater with fangs. The sound? It’s bone-shakingly analog, slithering between Black Sabbath swamp-muck and glam glitter, refusing to fit into your Spotify playlist algorithms like a demon sidestepping a prayer circle.
And can we just pause to talk aesthetics? I caught wind of the visuals and it’s a Gothic fever dream dipped in Technicolor sacrilege. Alice strutting in a bejeweled straightjacket, smoke machines on overload, dolls with bleeding eyes—this is art, darlings. Don’t mistake it for mere entertainment. This is cultural warfare on autopilot mediocrity.
Because while the top 40 keeps regurgitating heartbreak tunes dipped in beige autotune, Alice and his motley crew are challenging us—daring us—to feel again. Fear. Lust. Rage. The sublime ecstasy of being terrified by a melody. Can your favorite TikTok earworm do that? Can your favorite boyband make you contemplate the fragility of your immortal soul while headbanging in mascara? I didn’t think so.
So here’s the decree from yours truly, Mr. KanHey: This track is a call to arms—or perhaps to claws, fangs, and eyeliner bullets. This is an invitation to embrace your inner freak, your misfit monster, your inner Alice. Crawl out of your algorithm-induced slumber and open wide your third eye, because The Revenge of Alice Cooper is here—and it doesn’t just bite… it burns.
Dare to be different or fade into oblivion. The choice is yours, my decadent deviants.
Mr. KanHey, out.
