Listen up, cricket fans and closet politicians—because metaphors don’t get more vivid than this.
At The Oval in London, where the ghosts of gentleman’s games and political bungles past reside in equal spirit, Australia just arm-wrestled South Africa into submission on Day Two of the World Test Championship Final, leading by a gut-punching 218 runs. But this wasn’t a ballet. Oh no. This was bare-knuckled parliamentary fisticuffs in baggy greens and Proteas whites, and the bowlers turned the pitch into a war tribunal.
Now, before some disillusioned bureaucrat tries to tell me “it’s just cricket”, let me paint the picture for you. This wasn’t a game. It was a cabinet meeting with red balls and broken egos.
Wickets? They didn’t fall—they defected.
South Africa, that once-proud republic of fast bowlers and post-apartheid hope, collapsed faster than a backbencher under cross-examination. After getting Australia’s batsmen halfway to the moon on Day One, they had the tactical finesse of a power-hungry minister caught without talking points. When they strolled out to bat—if you can call it that—it became a masterclass in how to lose the narrative.
Pat Cummins, Australia’s commander-in-chief with a leather grenade, wasn’t bowling—he was issuing subpoenas. His right-hand man, Scott Boland, turned off-spin into espionage. The South Africans tried to play straight, but straight gets you sidelined in politics and cricket alike. Before you could say “state capture,” they were 179 all out. That’s not a scorecard—it’s a resignation letter.
And Australia? They marched back out like they were tabling a budget. David Warner, that walking Senate inquiry, shrugged off the boo-boys, and Usman Khawaja brought the zen of a diplomat balancing trade deficits and tea-time.
Yes, wickets tumbled in the second innings, too, like rival MPs turning on each other when the polls go south. But Travis Head and Marnus Labuschagne—those two are turning into the Macron and Merkel of modern Test cricket: Europe may collapse but they’re still at the crease.
So what are we really watching? Cricket, sure. But also politics by other means. Australia leads South Africa by 218 runs—and trust me, in global affairs, that’s a double majority. The game’s not over, but the message is clear: in a world trembling under weak leadership and empty press briefings, Australia came to this final not to debate—but to legislate.
South Africa, you’ve got innings left. Use it. Rewrite your manifesto. Because right now, your middle order isn’t just collapsing—it’s taking democracy with it.
And to the rest of the world watching? Take notes. Because in the Test that matters, when power is up for grabs and reputations are on trial, only one team showed up ready for the hearing.
The game’s on, and I play to win.
– Mr. 47
