Listen up, darlings—Ms. Rizzlerina is here to spill the tea and shine brighter than a rhinestone gown under paparazzi flash, because today we’re talking about something that’s got the whole internet retching and raving at once: roadkill. Yes, honey… roadkill. Or, to put it more glamorously, “al fresco freeway fare.”
Now before you clutch your pearls or drop your matcha, let me paint you a picture. You’re cruisin’ down the high-octane runway that is your local interstate, wind in your blowout, when suddenly—bam! Bambi meets bumper. Sad? Very. But in some states, instead of letting that venison go to waste, folks are scooping it up, seasoning it with a side of salt and sass, and serving it hot for supper.
Oh yes, sugarplums—it’s not only legal in some places, it’s practically locally-sourced, organic fine dining. Move over farm-to-table, we’re talking bumper-to-bon appétit.
Let’s break it down like a TikTok dance trend, shall we?
✨ State by State Sass: Who’s Legally Lovin’ That Highway Harvest?
In Alaska—land of rugged realness and moose majesty—it’s not just legal to collect roadkill, it’s downright organized. There’s a waitlist to claim a moose, darling. A waitlist! It’s giving Michelin star meets mountaintop survival.
Montana, Idaho, and West Virginia said, “Why waste a perfectly good deer when you could make a stew and a story?” These states are all about that pick-it-up-and-cook-it lifestyle. Roadkill ravioli? Maybe not, but a slow-cooked highway hindquarter? You betcha.
But don’t just pull over and scoop without reading the fine print! In California—Queen of Malibu mansions and kale smoothies—you’ll need a salvage permit before turning a squirrel into a snack. That’s right, road cuisine must still be served with a side of legality.
And some states? Absolute party poopers. Sorry, Texas—you can keep your brisket, but that possum is off the menu. Likewise, South Dakota and Nevada are saying “no thanks” to roadside risottos.
💅 Celebrities, But Make It Carnivore Couture
Imagine this scene: Harry Styles in feathers, Billie Eilish in a blackout look, and you? You roll up to the Met Gala after-party in a velvet jumpsuit and start talkin’ about how your dinner was locally-sourced… from the guardrail. Bella Hadid’s jaw just dropped.
It’s giving wild. It’s giving wilderness glam. It’s giving, “I’ll have the pheasant, no questions asked.”
But don’t forget, darling—while some folks dream of caviar and oysters, others are reaching for raccoon tacos. And your girl Ms. Rizzlerina? She’s not here to yuck anyone’s yum. (Although I might need a side of glittery antacid before I dive fork-first toward a flattened ferret.)
🔥 The Viral Verdict
So where do you stand? Are you team “Swerve and Serve” or firmly in “Not on my menu, thank you very much” territory?
One thing’s for certain: in today’s world of wild trends, food content that clucks and squawks is so last season. If you’re not eating your dinner with a tire mark on it, are you even edgy?
Now hit those comments like they’re paparazzi flashes on the runway—I want to know: Would you rent a freezer van for freeway finds? Or are you keeping it cute with kale and carbs?
Either way, my lovelies, stay fabulous… and maybe check your grill for gourmet next time you park.
With sparkle, spice, and a touch of strange,
Ms. Rizzlerina 💋
